Decision-making for Adults: How to Choose Your Breakfast Cereal and Other Monumental Decisions
A Comprehensive Handbook on Whom to Marry, Where to Live, and Why
I recently made a significant life choice: I decided to watch a Barbie movie instead of Oppenheimer, and I posted about it on Instagram. This decision will define my personality for a while.
In addition, I self-published a children's book and promoted myself as a children's author online. This decision is also permanent.
Two major decisions in one month? I believe this means I am an expert. And since I am now an author, I can publish a handbook. So here it is:
A Comprehensive Handbook for Decision-making on Whom to Marry, Where to Live, and Why
Do you struggle with making decisions? Is your go-to phrase "I don't know"? Do you find yourself changing your mind every time you talk to someone?
If so, follow my advice: repeatedly make the big life decision in private and in different moods until what feels right becomes consistent.
Have you ever heard the advice that you shouldn't make decisions when you're hungry, sad, angry, or tired?
I disagree! I think you should present yourself with the choice when you’re hungry, sad, angry AND tired.
You should present yourself the choice on all the moods.
Even after making a decision, you will still experience hunger, sadness, anger, and fatigue again.
You will not regret a decision that feels right in all of your moods.
But how do you make decisions in different moods?
This is where my guide can be helpful.
Let's say you're uncertain about whether you should marry someone. Here's how to use my guide to help you decide quicker:
Remember to complete all tasks as quickly and discreetly as possible. Avoid discussing them with anyone, except perhaps your journal! Journals don’t judge!
Your 14 decision making tasks (example = marriage):
Read the news until you become very angry. Then, instead of focusing on the sociopolitical causes that are upsetting you, think about your partner. Are you still glad to be with them?
Meditate for three hours (naps do not count) until you are completely serene. Think about your partner. Are you still glad to be with them?
Order a breakfast sandwich, then order Chinese food, and finally order cake. Then, enjoy your food while binging a TV show. When you finish all the food, and only then, think about your partner. Are you still glad to be with them?
Then, don't eat again until you have the funds to order in again. Stick to this plan for at least 4 hours (naps do not count). When you feel hangry and frustrated about your hunger and finances, take a moment to think about your partner. Are you still glad to be with them? Regardless, eat again.
Take a long, nice nap. (Now naps do count). Are you still glad to be with your partner?
Now, take a 75 minute exercise class followed by a nice fast run home. Are you still glad to be with your partner?
I strongly suggest winning the lottery before deciding whether or not you still need a partner. Now that you have a cool $500 million, how do you feel?
Then, donate everything to charity. Now, you know you’re a very good person all by yourself, so do you still need your partner?
Afterward, watch Up and allow yourself to cry. Assess whether you still feel grateful to be with your partner or if you were just seeking emotional pain, which can be found in Pixar films with way fewer consequences.
Spend one full day with people 24/7. Maybe a music festival? Or babysit triplets? Are you still glad to be with your partner?
Spend an entire week completely alone. If you live alone, do not leave your apartment. If you don't live alone, consider going camping or finding a place to be by yourself with no internet service. Afterward, reflect: Are you still grateful for having a partner?
Face a personal phobia. You can put a spider on your head. You can put a snake on your head. If you’re like me, you can have someone cough on you a couple of times. Are you still glad to be with your partner?
Read about a topic that you find incredibly uninteresting for a few hours. Don't reflect on how much you miss school. Instead, think about your partner. Are you still glad to be with them?
After all that, wait until you feel entirely numb. How about now? What does your gut say?
If one answer consistently feels right across a range of emotions, then it is likely the correct answer. For instance, I am still happy with my friends, my living situation, and my job even when I am feeling irritable due to hunger.
Believe it or not, I tested this last week. I followed all 14 steps before deciding whether to watch Barbie or Oppenheimer.
I discovered that I am a Barbie girl, even when I feel “weird”, and I won’t ever regret working on something that helps refugee children learn to read and feel less lonely.
I also don't need "just Ken" because I have "Kenough Cares".
So, if you ever find yourself stuck on a decision, trust me. Try testing it out yourself.
By following all 14 steps, my method is guaranteed to work. Give it a try and let me know in the comments!
If you have a friend who keeps asking for your opinion on a big life decision, send them my guide!
However, if your decision-making process fails for some reason, please don’t comment or sue. I will not be held liable.
After all, you can always resort to flipping a coin to help make a decision. When you see the coin’s answer, see if you instantly regret the decision it makes for you or if it feels right. To be honest, now that I'm writing it out, flipping a coin might actually be a quicker solution. It is also cheaper.
I may need to rewrite this guide. Ahhhhhhhhh I.just.don’t.know!