Notes from Early November: On Voting, Family, and Finding Joy in Dark Days

Reflections on early sunsets, election anxiety, and choosing community over loneliness

Nov 05, 2024

Katya’s November Cares:

Caring is at my core, and right now that care is spread across numerous family challenges. My little sister is battling a severe case of pneumonia while directing musicals, catching up on two missed weeks of school, and applying to college. I was sick too but am feeling better now and helping my sister after work hours, making for long days. My dad is "fun-employed" (which isn't actually fun at all—someone please help me). I won't even start with the situations with my grandparents or my relatives in the Middle East and Eastern Europe. Also, and important for all of the above, THE US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION IS NOW.

Help! Life is scaring me! Me on the outside - 👀. Me on the inside - 😱!

Anyway, it's not the calmest time—if there ever was one, since change and stress feel so normalized as a refugee—but I've had a few thoughts during this period:

Notes on Voting 🗳️

My family voted early!

Despite feeling pressed for time and energy, my family made a point to take advantage of early voting together.
We are incredibly grateful to live in NYC and have the power to vote. We could have still been in Russia. My dad just today told me about how we paid taxes from the first day and followed all the rules to become citizens, and how lucky we are. Being here, and voting, is a precious privilege we don't take for granted.

Language Barriers & Accessibility

Even as a fluent English speaker, voting can be anxiety-provoking. How can we improve the process for those who aren't fluent in English?
- What do the proposals really mean? Everywhere you look, there is a different spin. The immigrants have no idea what is true or false. Why are both democrats and republicans telling me to vote "no" for everything?
In my immigrant/refugee community, voting is pure chaos:
- People are googling words
- Leaving the poll site to call friends and discuss
- Debating every detail, worried about making wrong decisions
- And there was only a Spanish translator on site

Family Politics & Perspective

Many of my friends struggle with their families' differing political views, but try to remember this:
- It's rare for families to share identical political views across generations
  - The only families I know with unified political stances have lived in the same place for generations, experiencing minimal environmental/financial changes.
- We are not getting younger. It's a privilege to discuss voting with our parents at our age!

A Broader View

While political discussions may lead to arguments:
- Be grateful if your parents can and do vote!
- Appreciate both their location that allows it and their physical ability to do so
- Don't turn the privilege of voting & political discourse into relationship-breaking conflict.
- It's heartbreaking to see families torn apart during elections and holidays :(

Personal Growth & Community

As someone who's felt like an outsider in both Russia and America:
- If I cut ties with everyone who disagreed with me or said something insensitive, I'd have no community.
- I changed and created change because of my diverse communities.
- Trust me: people who only surround themselves with like-minded individuals make the least impact
  - Circle-jerking is for circles that don't expand
  - My ideal balance is 80% people who agree with and empower me, and 20% who challenge my views.

Notes on Stressful Times …

Proud of My Family 🧡

In many ways, I'm proud of how my family has handled these stressful times:
- My parents inspire me with their freelance work making elections accessible to speakers of different languages
- We're working together on the Terra bilingual books, helping refugee children learn English more easily
- Through illness and health, we remain a tight-knit unit, taking care of each other
(But boy, do we know how to fight. And girl, do we know how to cry.)
During particularly tough weeks, I try to remind myself:
- Someone needs to step up as the "Joyful Moment Team Leader" ✨
  - You need those joyful moments - warm meals, sunny walks, funny cat videos - to steady yourself and lift your spirits.
- Someone needs to deescalate fights!
- And sometimes, that someone needs to be me…

Notes on November, no matter how it goes…

I'm not eager for this post-Halloween, post-election, post-marathon month with earlier sunsets. However, this isn't my first trip around the sun, so here's what I'm doing to maintain my joy and peace:

Scheduling 4 PM sunset walks (thank you, remote caring job).
Pushing myself to take short walks after lunch.
Planning exciting events in advance—from museum talks to book clubs, writing meet-ups, and parties (thank you, NYC).

If you’re around, let’s plan something together!

Notes on Loneliness (cont. from last piece) …

People mean well, but I find it quite lonely to be told to do things that go against my bedrock, my core values and personality.

I have a hard time:

Not worrying about family when they’re sick
Being around others when I am sick (or they are sick, thanks Covid 😞)
Prioritizing my own goals over supporting my family's aspirations “living my own life”
Going on dates with people I don't feel a connection with
Flirting with people or approaching them first when I'm not drawn to them
Entering a relationship simply because I am told it is the right time
Wearing a cool outfit 100% of the time, even 80% of the time
Caring less/being cool/being concise

This is who I am.

On here, in real life, this is what you subscribe to.

These points don't define me, nor do they encompass what makes me an interesting, complete person.

Sometimes even the kindest advice can feel the most isolating when it is unprompted and asks you to be someone else.

Loneliness is often a choice. I am choosing to not be lonely. I am choosing to engage in diverse communities and love and care loudly.

I'm committed to personal growth and continually improving my life.

And speaking of growth and community - I want to learn from you.

Our newest Community Survey is different this time!

This time, instead of you talking about yourself, you'll be telling me about me.

Tell me how to improve my life. Tell me what questions to ask to improve my life.

Take my survey! Take it even if you don't know me at all. Take it if you know me intimately. The only required question, aside from your name, is "How well do you know me?" It's a personalized survey based on how you answer that first question.

This isn't for a formal research project - I'm exploring themes of feedback and storytelling for an upcoming piece. Your insights will help shape that work. And yes, if you're open to being quoted, I'll reach out first.

I need 10 more responses.

To everyone reading this - your perspective matters to me. No ghosting allowed! 👻

I’ll end on sharing my pride & joy from October..