Thirty and Thankful
Reflections from a Month of Epic Celebrations and Many Obnoxious Lists
In my last post, I discussed how I felt like an Unstable Table during the month of my 30th birthday. However, my community was there for me, offering both distraction and stability. Immersing yourself in love is an excellent way to cultivate internal stability. As a result, I ended this birthday season with a warm feeling.
If you're reading this at the time I sent the email, today marks one month since I entered my 30s. I now consider myself an expert. Furthermore, it's my close friend's birthday today! (Happy Birthday, Court! 🧡 We'll celebrate soon! 🎉). Plus, it's a beautiful Friday before a long weekend. I hope this post puts you in a celebratory mood for the long weekend!
If you continue reading, you'll find a list of all my 30th birthday celebrations. It might come off as obnoxious - I enjoy crossing that line occasionally.
I felt compelled to write this because I wished I had read something similar the week before my birthday when I decided to cancel all my plans. (I was not in the mood to celebrate and felt it was selfish and needy to rely on others to lift my spirits.)
Despite nearly canceling all my plans, I had the most festive birthday celebration yet. I feel more joyful, refreshed, and motivated than when I wrote Unstable Tables. The positive impact on my mental health has been substantial.
Perhaps, this is a letter from my 30-year-old self to my 40-year-old self.
Go celebrate, future Katya!
Who do we spend time with?
Right around my birthday, I came across this article https://ourworldindata.org/time-use, which appears to have attracted a great deal of attention. I'll discuss the study in more detail later, but for now, I'd like to highlight a specific graphic:
A few reactions from graph:
Look how to the left I am in on this chart! Such youth! Wowww.
I felt relieved knowing that I'll still have time to be alone as I age (is that strange?). The study also discusses how loneliness does not escalate until reaching the age of 75. They stated, “Spending time alone is not the same as feeling lonely.” I can confirm!
I am determined to keep that family line steady. I am flexible on the “how” but I will grow the family in my late 30s!
Here is my BIG sad: Out of all the types of relationships, we spend the least amount of time with friends after 30. 😟 Dear friend, I miss you already!
Here is the deep dive into age 30 specifically:
At age 30, we spend significantly more time with a partner than with friends. Specifically, we spend about 237% more time with a partner, averaging 180.02 minutes daily, compared to just 53.48 minutes with friends. Don’t get me started on time spent with coworkers…
The amount of time spent with friends tends to decrease as we age. This truth made me appreciate my friendships even more. So if you're reading this and consider me a friend, let's make an effort to spend more time together. I am a huge introvert, so please keep me accountable! Our time is precious, and we need our friends.
With that in mind, here is that slightly obnoxious list of birthday celebrations:
An obnoxious list of the mini & maxi birthday celebrations
(and a big thank you for all the below):
Clara and I ate Omakase for the first time together. One Bite Omakase is delicious and they gifted us complimentary gold sushi. I drank a lot of “birthday happy water” and said some silly things out loud, in front of the celebrities dining near us. Little pieces of sushi. Big laughs!
I attended a pre-birthday jazz event at Lincoln Center. There, I learned about San Juan Hill, a historic site demolished to build Lincoln Center, and about James Reese Europe. Since I used to play jazz on an alto saxophone, listening to and learning about jazz is a hobby of mine. I met new neighbors who wished me many more years and many more wrinkles.
A boy treated me to a birthday dessert on a rooftop. Yes, I am counting it.
My friend Kiely hosted a birthday celebration where we made necklaces and bracelets from beads she had chosen for us. I was gifted a birthday necklace and also made one. Additionally, I dismantled one. Sometimes, destruction is necessary for creation.
My little sister Rachel slept over with me the days before my birthday. She made my birthday week so festive. We toured colleges for her, went shopping, and had a lot of yummy food. Lots of free birthday treats.
On my birthday, I exercised with my sister after having my birthday free Venti Hot Chocolate from Starbucks. She made sure everyone was aware of my large chocolate secret.
My parents visited me on my birthday. We enjoyed a pleasant walk and visited my favorite restaurant. The restaurant gifted me dessert, and even better, presented me with a trick candle, something I had never encountered before. I must have blown it out at least 30 times. We couldn't stop laughing. Such a simple and memorable joy!
For my birthday, my mother crocheted a cat for me for the first time since I was a baby in Russia. The whimsical cat brings me great joy when I look at it.
My friend Falls concluded my birthday day by sharing a glass of champagne and dessert with me. Falls is such a radiant presence. That birthday night, I completely forgot to be upset about turning 30.
The next day, I went to a salon to get a birthday blowout. They gifted me a wonderful head massage and moisturizing treatment.
Debbie and I dined at a trendy new venue named Odd Sister.
Afterward, we attended my birthday book club meeting at Bibliotheque. The turnout was perfect, with all eight seats filled. The vibes were incredible.
On Friday, Kiely and I ate our favorite sushi at Bondi, and shared an unexpected free dessert.
Anya and Olive kindly brought me a birthday dinner. I was too excited to eat at the time, so I ended up enjoying it as a late-night snack at 3 am.
My friend Kacie and her band played at a local bar. 50+ people showed up to give me a hug and/or dance with me! My friend Vaishvi compared it to a “middle school dance” where “friends jump up and down in a circle together”. This was a compliment. Also, we passed around a sketchpad, and 30+ people drew me birthday cats!
The following morning, James treated me, Kiely, and Stephanie to a birthday museum day at the Neue Galerie's Klimt exhibit. This was possible because we didn’t drink too much at my party! This is 30!
I met Stephanie earlier to people watch on the Met Stairs, one of my favorite activities!
At the Neue Galerie Cafe, Kiely and I enjoyed her favorite dessert, their delectable pistachio cake.
Then, after being caught in the rain in Central Park, Sara joined us for Dim Sum at a local Chinese restaurant.
Of course, I also celebrated with my extended family. The youngest members of the family taught me how to draw cats better than tipsy adults in their 30s.
Vaishvi and I enjoyed a cozy Italian dinner after a long sunset walk. We celebrated her graduation and her impressive match to St. Jude's hospital, and me turning another year older.
I flew to Miami, where I celebrated my birthday with ceviche and swims with Kasia, one of my oldest friends. I relaxed, got a good tan, and befriended six sharks.
My neighbor Victoria and I celebrated our birthdays together at a local sushi restaurant. We fantasized about a wonderful summer in our neighborhood!
As if that weren't enough, I continued my tradition of having Dippin Dots for my birthday and enjoyed them with my family. One of my oldest friends gave me an ice-cream birthday card that read, "WISHING YOU THE COOLEST BIRTHDAY." His wish came true. Throughout the past month, my friends and I enjoyed a significant amount of ice cream.
After reading the list and seeing the photos, you might have some reactions. Here's my guess at what you might be thinking:
"Katya is stalling for content."
Yes, I am! However, it's because my attention has been entirely focused on my people, not my ideas nor my computer.
Also, I need more survey responders on this survey, to write about Purpose.
“Katya is a billionaire”.
Would I be writing a Substack if I were a billionaire? Honestly, I probably would. And it would do better.
No, my friends are simply generous. Thank you for feeding me, friends.
“Katya is SO popular”
Indeed! Nothing embodies the "cool girl"persona more than a Substack writer discussing friendship!
“Can I subscribe twice?”
Sure!
Do you have two emails??
Aside from the joy of being a bit obnoxious, why am I publishing this list?
To capture this unique moment in time (I usually don't celebrate like this).
To emphasize how friendship, which often requires energy, patience, and time to maintain, is incredibly worthwhile.
To remind you that celebrating a birthday with a friend is also a celebration of that friendship.
Am I socially exhausted from all the celebrations? Absolutely. As an anxious introvert, I deal by scheduling alone time on my Calendar. After the alone little breaks, am I still eager to continue celebrating all of my friends' summer birthdays? Without a doubt! I cannot wait!
I firmly believe that if you are lucky enough to have people in your life who love you and whom you love in return, you should seize the opportunity to celebrate with them. I invite people in my life to celebrate all occasions, significant or minor - not only birthdays but also half-birthdays.
Don't misunderstand me, I understand that celebrating can be challenging!
We're all busy, and festivities require time. For the past month, my hobby has been "birthdays". There has been no time for other hobbies, on top of work and all.
Plus, I am not always in the mood to put on a big smile and engage in someone else's activity with their community. (It's totally okay to occasionally say no to a birthday plan you don’t have the energy for and celebrate with the friend another time. My celebrations took a month because I tried to celebrate in a way that made everyone comfortable).
Even more of a blocker is how almost no people are in the mood to plaster on a big smile for their own birthdays. Birthday people are full of emotions!
It's interesting that we all take turns encouraging each other to celebrate another year, an event that happens regardless of our mood. Why do we do this? Not to celebrate ourselves, but to celebrate our communities.
For birthday book club, we talked about this poem:
A Birthday
BY CHRISTINA ROSSETTI
My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a water'd shoot;
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thickset fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these
Because my love is come to me.
Raise me a dais of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.
My favorite moments from my birthdays involved seeing my friends and loved ones arrive. Many times, I felt like my heart "was like a singing bird" and "gladder" than any person alive, because "my love had come to me."
Ultimately, the value of a birthday celebration isn't about the number of festivities or friends, nor is it defined by the minutes spent with friends versus time spent alone. How could we even measure that? Seriously, how? (You know I'd try.)
The question here is, hypothetically, if you celebrated a birthday month and wrote a very long Substack post detailing it, would there be at least one person with whom you feel safe enough to proudly share it?
For me, the answer is yes, and I am thankful. And for you, the answer is also yes, because without a doubt, you have me.
Consider this as a challenge to out-obnoxious me!
Anyway, have you wished me a happy 30th birthday yet?
It was my birthday,
Katya