3-Point Perspective with Kiely
A few updates and a 3-point perspective interview with a Senior Design Strategist
Hello friends, it has been a challenging time, so I haven't felt it appropriate to draw attention to myself or ask people to read and focus on my writing.
Still, I love this community and do not want to lose it by being absent for too long. Today, I would like to request some space to share three things - updates about myself, updates about our community (including some fun activities for you to try), and to shine the spotlight on my dear friend Kiely, who teaches me so much.
I will also discuss the relevance of the 3-point perspective, which has been my theme for the past few weeks. Whether you're here for updates or to learn together, I hope you enjoy reading.
Katya still cares:
Let's get straight to it... I'm okay and feel fortunate to live in America. This past Friday the 13th, I felt scared but also experienced a lot of love.
It was also my late grandmother's birthday. I miss sitting next to my grandma Dora and peacefully reading together.
Dora was a resilient woman who survived a military blockade and been a victim of political turmoil. Nobody deserves the horrors she went through, nor the horrors my other grandparents went through in concentration camps. Horrors can take many forms. War is always a dark time, and I have been crying about how more people will now experience these horrors.
Yes, my family is still working on the children's book and Terra's universe. Now, with even more war, there will be an increased need for love and support for more refugees and their loved ones.
My family has made an update to the book. Instead of directing people to www.katyacares.com, we will now include our new Terra website, which offers mental health resources for children. You will be the first to hear about it at a more appropriate moment!
We also have a bilingual version of the book coming out soon.
I have written a lot of the second part of The TearBrew Cafe. Thank you for all your kind emails and texts that encouraged me to continue writing fiction. Writing fiction is fun!
November is going to be busy because, in addition to the above, I have two upcoming trips, which I plan to write about later.
I have been selected to attend OpenAI's first DevDay through work. My company utilizes some of OpenAI's API to generate personalized product quizzes for Shopify merchants. This helps the merchants and the shoppers. Aside from work, I use OpenAI's API for my website, www.reframemythoughts.com, which focuses on reframing negative thoughts and improving mental health. At DevDay, I plan to learn a lot and to network with like-minded individuals who are passionate about using technology for positive impact.
I have been invited to meet my colleagues in Brazil through work! Initially, I was hesitant to accept due to my busy schedule and personal goals. However, I value every opportunity to learn about new cultures and languages too much to decline. As soon as I bought the plane ticket, I started learning Portuguese with Duolingo & Memrise . Since it will be my first visit to Brazil, I would greatly appreciate any recommendations!
Katya’s friends care!
Here are a few things we are doing to spread joy in our community:
taking & sharing this silly personality quiz https://event.designexpo.org.tw/en/ !
We love it because it is joyful colorful website where you complete a unique choose your own adventure story. The results are really funny sometimes too!
I am Grass. Let me know what what you get!
choosing 2 core values to make all our decisions, following Brené Brown advice. https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/ .
Brené Brown suggests that everyone should strive to select only 2 core values, as this can simplify decision-making and enhance leadership skills.
I encourage you to do this yourself. Choosing just 2 values can be challenging! To help yourself choose only 2 words, Brené advices to ask yourself - “Does this define me?” “Is this who I am at my best?” “Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?”.
I recommend thinking about all aspects of your life from work to housing to different types of relationships.. do your two words guide all the scenarios? Maybe they should!
This is easier to do than my exercise for making hard decisions!
The two values I came up with right now are safety & joy. What are yours?
reading The Candy House for book club!
I am happy to talk about it with anyone.. erm.. next week! I didn’t finish it yet 😓
If you try any of the above and it brings you joy, let me know!
Kiely cares!
Meet my friend Kiely. Kiely is wise, joyful, and intentional. We share many hobbies and values. Here we are drawing together in a beautiful garden in Central Park.
A little about Kiely..
Kiely is Light!
Kiely's values, according to Brené Brown and our discussions, are Growth and Connection.
Kiely works as a Senior Design Strategist for a company that specializes in the detection of early stage cancers.
Kiely is bringing M&Ms to our small Candy House book club.
3-point Perspective
The 3-point perspective in art is a technique that adds incredible depth and dynamism to a picture. Unlike 1-point and 2-point perspectives, which account for horizontal and vertical planes, the 3-point perspective introduces a third vanishing point. This point is typically positioned high above or far below the object being depicted. By incorporating this third point, a sense of scale and complexity is achieved that other forms of perspective may not capture. I practice this technique when I draw.
This doesn't just apply to drawing. My friend Alexa and I have been workshopping the 3-point perspective in our writing.
I take this concept further and apply it in my community as well. Just like how the use of 3-point perspective in any form of art offers a more complete and nuanced view of a subject, understanding someone's perspective at three different major points in their life can deepen your connection and bring you closer to this friend.
When discussing Brené Brown’s advice for having 2 core values, many of my friends expressed that they understand and agree with the concept, but they would prefer if it consisted of 3 values instead. This feedback further reinforced my hypothesis that it is beneficial to comprehend someone's 3 key principles. 2 just doesn’t feel deep enough.
It was Kiely who then suggested that I write about the 3-point perspective, following a lengthy discussion about her three points.
Kiely’s 3-point perspective
I enjoyed chatting with Kiely so much that I decided to transcribe the key points of our conversation for you. I will italicize my questions/comments and mostly present Kiely's words.
Point number 1 - Being intentional & joyful about friendship
Kiely, you often talk about fostering better friendships. Can you tell me more about that?
Yes, my first point is to be intentional about adult friendships.
When you're a kid, friendship just magically happens. One child asks, "Do you like unicorns?" and you say yes. And just like that, you become friends. You're all in the same stage of life at the same time.
So, if you're as likable as Kiely, friendship magically happens! 🦄
That's actually a true story about my friend! She asked, "Do you like unicorns?" and I replied, "Do you like Pegasus?" And then we both said "Unipegs". We've been friends for 20 plus years!
However, as an adult, you're not always in the same stage of life at the same time. And so you have to be much more intentional. Life is much busier, life is much crazier and more chaotic. So after the pandemic, when I moved to New York, I decided that I wanted to make a lot of friends, because a lot of our social lives had shifted during the pandemic. A lot of people moved away, a lot of people moved home. And when moving to a new city, one of the things I was looking for from New York specifically was to be able to meet new people and to make new friends.
So not be sad about my own social life, I started to write down my plans, and then I actually needed a planner after the pandemic. During the pandemic, you don't need a plan or you don't have any plans! But after the pandemic, I realized that I couldn't just remember all of my plans in my head because I had more plans popping up than I had previously for a while. And so I made this little planner. And in my little planner, I was able to start to see it as like a celebration of a new social life, in the sense that it was a piece of evidence that I was not lonely and not a loser.
And one of the ways that I started was my phone has always had the naming convention in my contacts of first name and favorite emoji. And it's been fun because as a graphic designer, I love when a digital interface is super glanceable. So it's fun to kind of associate a fun fact or favorite emoji or little character with all of my friends and my family members. So when I see them pop up in my phone, without even reading their name, I know who it is.
Then on the notes app in my calendar, I started recording what I was doing and who I was hanging out with. It's been fun to scroll back over the months and see who I've been talking to or connecting with more and more.
It's also a nice reminder when I notice that a certain person's emoji hasn't appeared when I scroll quickly, I should reach out. It's fun to have a simple way to remember who I should stay in touch with.
And what if they don’t reach out or they don’t respond to you when they reach out?
That’s ok! They might be busy or might not like me anymore, it happens.
Generally it’s a fun reminder of who you’ve been hanging out with and a fun little diary/
Kiely’s emoji for me is 🌱 and my emoji for Kiely is 💡
Point number 2 - Being intentional and empathetic while on dating apps
I am a designer and I have worked in various contexts, from consulting to digital design. When it comes to using dating or friend-finding apps, I used Bumble BFF when I lived in Boston and Hinge in New York.
During dates, I have been told that I might have ADHD. Additionally, I have been told that I seem like someone who would conduct a social experiment on a date, which I would actually do.
I believe that everyone can use more intention in dating. I try to look at it from the perspective of the user, the person who will be looking at my profile. I think about what I want somebody to know about me and what could they say about it.
For each of my prompts, I imagine a potential conversation that could take place afterwards. I want it to be easy for somebody to talk to me about my hobbies or interests.
In design research, you would consider the person using the product, their needs, and how they interact with the product. By thinking about the other person's experience, it helps me build my own experience and makes it easier for someone to engage with me.
I have three prompts, and for each one, I have a response that is easy for me to send out.
One of the prompts is about books, and there is a specific type of book that I enjoy talking about and get really excited about. So, there is already a little bit of a dialogue that I have prepared where someone asks me about books, tells me what they are reading, and asks me about my own reading. Although it may be a bit of a lie, I always mention the same book because it is the most interesting book I have read. Then, we can go back and forth discussing that book, and I have a few things to say about it. This approach also makes it easier for me, as I don't have to constantly come up with new topics and answers.
I love that. I feel like people, including myself, don't often think enough about how I want someone to respond to me or how I would want to respond to them in order to continue the conversation. So, I have been disappointed many times. Now, with your advice, I am getting better.
This is a big tip for when you're building your own profile on any platform. When you're building your own profile, it's easy to think it's all about you. However, you are trying to connect with someone else, whether it's a friend on Bumble BFF or a date on Hinge. Think about the other person and consider how they experience your profile. I try to design a good experience for them, and therefore me.
Point number 3 - Embrace a Luddite lifestyle and communicate expectations about it
First thing first.. What is Luddite?
Nowadays, the term Luddite refers to someone who rejects, dislikes, or is suspicious of technology. However, it originated during the Industrial Revolution when people rebelled against factory machines that replaced human craftsmen.
I have worked in digital design and have experience in user research for apps. However, despite my background, I lead a minimalist lifestyle.
In 2016, while I was in art school, I made the decision to leave social media due to the stressful political climate. I temporarily paused all of my accounts and found that I enjoyed the experience. After a year, I decided to permanently delete them. This has had a positive impact on my life because without the constant comparison, I can focus on my own world and not feel insecure about what others are doing.
Additionally, I like to have a screen-free home environment. I don't own a TV and only use my phone or go to a theater to watch movies. I’m one of those psychotic people who watch movies on their phones sometimes!
You come over to friends, like to watch a movie on my giant ugly TV!
Yes!
But, when I'm trying to relax, I don't want any visual reminders of work or productivity in my living space. So, I don't have a monitor and instead use a small laptop that I can easily put away in a drawer when I'm done with work. It's refreshing to separate work and personal life in this way.
In terms of communication, I'm not a fan of texting. I value in-person interactions and have been open about my preference with my friends and family. Fortunately, they have been understanding and respectful of my choice.
However, I understand that some people enjoy texting, so I make an effort to show love and care in a way that resonates with them, whether that's through texting or sending funny memes or things that remind me of them.
Being upfront about not wanting to constantly be on my phone has been beneficial because it avoids hurt feelings and allows people to trust that I still care for them.
With some of my long-distance friends, I have found a middle ground by occasionally having short phone calls while I walk across the park or during a spare moment. It's a nice way to feel connected and have a more meaningful conversation than just texting, without the need to block out a significant amount of time.
Overall, these 3 choices have helped me prioritize what truly matters in my life and maintain healthier relationships with technology and my community.
I hope you enjoyed the above interview with Kiely! Hearing about her 3-point perspective helped me understand her better. Additionally, Kiely's wisdom is something we can all learn from.
Many people in my community are smart wise people who are willing to share with others, so if you enjoyed these updates and the interview, I am happy to continue posting something similar, featuring someone new, once a month.
There is a lot to do and discuss. After having limited communication capacity for the past few weeks, I am excited to hear from you about any of the above! What is your 3-point perspective?
Honored to be featured in your writing, and honored to be your friend ♥️♥️♥️♥️