How I’ll keep caring
As someone from a family that has weathered generations of instability across cities, countries, and continents
"Katya Cares" should be renamed, as it's truly a community of people who care (and can tolerate my cheesiness). Today, you might feel burnt out from caring. I write this for you.
Note: For the best experience, read my posts on the free Substack app or in a web browser rather than via email.
My history followed by my plan of action
You're all here for different reasons. Some follow me because you know me personally and care to support my craft. Others like reading about neuroscience, culture, and tech. And some follow me not for my craft or charming personality, but because, as a refugee to America, I write from a unique perspective that infuses all my thinking and decision-making.
You do not follow me because I am an expert in politics. I am not. This is not a Gazette, and I probably shouldn’t publish one, because I already decided I’d call it “Katya Gazes”.
Also, politics isn't in my blood—I don't come from a family of politicians. My relatives were a diverse group: history teachers, engineers, gymnasts, singers, truck drivers, typographers, tailors, woodworkers, metalworkers, and farmers. They had a wide range of skills and were quite different from one another, both socially and physically.
Their commonality is that, as a whole, we are survivors of political conflict. My recent family history is marked by survival through devastating events: the Holocaust, where many of us were murdered; the Siege of Leningrad, where some starved to death; and the collapse of the Soviet Union. Despite repeatedly losing loved ones and all our money and our homes, my family persevered. They traversed the globe, seeking safety and a broader community.
When we fled, we did so as a unit, ensuring no one was left behind—even if it meant enduring hardships to support them. I grew up in a small Brooklyn apartment with my stressed parents—who arrived in America without money, English skills, or connections—my sick grandparents, and my much younger sister. My parents and grandparents raised me together. My sister brightened our cramped space with her wall drawings and enthusiastic musical theater performances. My childhood was filled with love and care.
This is all to say that while I don't consider myself unlucky in life, I can't recall a single year that felt truly stable—a time when I felt like a "Stable Table." This instability has been the norm in my family. As a result, we've become experts at caring during "unprecedented times."
Drawing from this lineage of caring through chaos, here's what I'm doing now:
I will:
Keep showing up
During moments of chaos, my first instinct is to weep and then hibernate with a book, pen, journal, and cup of tea. Overindulging in solitude has led me to lose touch with my social skills and connections. So, I will continue showing up to my planned events.
I already showed up to:
A Sci-cafe talk about Woolly Dogs and Coast Salish people at the AMNH museum, because learning is a value of mine
two science nerds 
Learning about Woolly Dogs & Coast Salish people
I will show up:
to my friend Kacie’s band gig tonight, because supporting friends is a value of mine
to all the birthday parties this weekend, because having fun is something I forget to prioritize but it reenergizes me
Keep celebrating other people’s joy
I will celebrate Kacie’s talent & band tonight and tomorrow night
Alexa is traveling in Rome for work and I can’t wait to hear all about it
Helen recently presented climate toolkits at a conference in Kenya. Today, seeing photos of her presentation filled me with immense pride and joy!
My sister got a great ACT test result, even though she was very sick taking the test, and I celebrated with her, and told everyone and their mothers.
More importantly, my sister’s X-ray shows she is healing from Pneumonia! I am celebrating with a yummy coffee as I type this!!
Keep Creating
I made a little website to practice some coding and also cheer up my sister
screenshot from website I made for my baby sister I am paid to create at work, which is such a privilege
I am bringing back reframemythoughts.com , a tool I made for negative thought loops during Pandemic
I am going to try to craft more, luckily next craft club is Monday
I am working on my Terra universe with family, helping refugees & immigrants have more resources talktoterra.com (feels more important than ever to me)
I am going to keep writing my Substack, publishing as frequently as I’d like
Keep Reading
Keep listening to music
Here’s a public Spotify playlist I started for my current mood. Feel free to add to it:
I actually use Apple Music more than Spotify, so let me know if you'd like my playlist on Apple Music instead. (Though I wouldn't say no to a few bucks for a Spotify subscription! 😉)
Keep Moving
I am going to take little walks, sunset walks, and gym classes (I can’t create anything meaningful or support anyone when I’m sick)
Keep organizing community events
As always, I plan to make winter plans for group reading moments, writing moments, and crafting moments.
Email me if you want to be included in any of this!
Keep up the search for daily joy
Today I made myself get up earlier and walk in the sun to get a yummy coffee
I got a free drink next time! joyful!
The barista was so nice, as always and I put some good smelling lotion on myself, as always! joyful!
On my way back, I discovered a package containing a duplicate order of a Madewell turtleneck I'd bought for $5! Two turtlenecks for $5!! Very very Joyful!
Start playing more games
I get so serious during heavy times, which hinders my creativity, so I need to schedule some play for myself.
Even as a child, I rarely initiated games. Instead, I'd create small plays or poetry books or choreograph dances, but I wouldn't spontaneously pick up dolls or start a board game. I truly forget to game!
I recently went to an Escape Room, it was such a nice distraction from life, I felt lighter after. I hope to play more frequently.
My friend and Substacker Matthew solving an escape room with me! Good thing a new gaming cafe opened near me and I know the owner. I will schedule some time to learn some games and play with my friends.
Keep believing that people care
I find it unhelpful to adopt a cynical mindset and assume everyone is racist, sexist, or ignorant.
This approach closes doors for me.
Furthermore, I've seen entire communities transform over time with new environments and education. If they can evolve, so can everyone else.
If I am talking to someone very different from me, it's more helpful for me to understand what they care about, and to communicate what I care about.
The plan is to uplift people I care about, on the things that they care about.
Of course, all of the above is a work in progress. Realistically, I'll have moments this winter of sobbing, picking fights, and retreating into hibernation. I will be asking my friends for advice and sometimes, being very annoying.
But I'm committed to this journey of caring—imperfect as it may be.
Relevant essays:
What will you be doing to keep caring?
I'm curious to hear how others in this community are finding their way forward. Share your plans—I’d love to know if there's any way we can support you.
Respond to this email if you're reading via email! Even better, for the algorithms' sake, like and comment on the website! We can support each other, on here and beyond.
With extra love and care today,
Katya
I loved this.
katya thank you for this